Losing My Faith in Humanity

Betrayal is hurtful, but it hurts the most when it comes from someone that you genuinely believed that you could trust. It stings like salt in an open wound.

She has been there for me most of my life, and her age surpasses mine by more than a decade. I thought that she was smart, but it turns out I was very wrong. How could she do something so vicious, and not even stop to consider the impact that it would have on everyone else involved. It wasn't only herself that she was fucking over. There were two more of us, waiting to learn what she had done. Her own siblings.  The people that have been there, by her side for a lifetime, trying to help make sense of all the bullshit right along with her. People who genuinely loved her.

It makes it worse that she didn't have the balls, still doesn't, to call and tell me what she did herself. She can't even bring herself to utter the words. I had to find out through a random phone call from a stranger.  Someone that I had never spoken to before in my life, and he laid it on me like a ton of bricks. My inheritance was gone with one careless act from the bitch that I used to call my sister. Too selfish to let on to the fact that she was drowning financially. Too proud to ask for help. Too cowardly to tell the truth after all was said and done. We trusted her, and took her word for it far longer than we ever should have. Turns out she was nothing more than just a thief and a liar. Words that she had used to describe the common enemy that we shared in my mother's husband. A man we all hated, her more than the rest of us, yet here we are and those words fit her like a glove. Liar. Thief. Coward.

She packed up and moved away, not leaving a trace of evidence as to where she has gone. Her phone number has changed, and she is no longer responding to emails. It is as if she has vanished. I almost wish she really would.

If I had the chance to speak to her, just one more time. I would ask her why she did it, and beg her to give me some sort of justification. Even though I know there is none. I want to know what the fuck she was thinking when she signed the paperwork that sealed our fate without even having the decency to let us know what was coming. I thought that's what family was all about. Communication, and for god's sake, honesty. I guess that, up until this point anyway, I have suffered from an altered perception of what reality is. A place that you could trust people, a place that apparently doesn't exist.

I am done exhausting effort to try and get a hold of her, and I am accepting the fact that she and I will never speak again. I will never know why she did it. I will be left to continue assuming. I will be left to live with the fact that my own sister fucked me over worse than any stranger ever could.

I am erasing her from my life.