Next step

The last year and a half have been a blur.  I know that the last time I posted it was a pretty heavy subject, and I have been back here many times to write about new things that were going on, but I just couldn't bring myself to do it once I saw that picture of Belle.  It still tears me up inside that she is gone.

Now that it's been a while since Brett graduated college, I've decided that it's finally time for me to take that leap.  I've got one semester under my belt and as I prepare to start the second, I find myself excited and terrified all at the same time.  I know that I can do it, but it's going to be a really long road and every time I think about the commitment to it, it just seems daunting. So far, the two classes that I've taken have been good and I was able to maintain A's in both classes.  Hopefully that's a sign of things to come. I am very appreciative of the fact that I was able to find a program that I will be able to complete online because it allows me to do things at my own pace (mostly), which means that I don't have to alter my day to day schedule or cut corners at work.

I used to have a hard time understanding people who started college without a real plan.  I would hear them talk about their decision to start down the path toward a specific major and then change their minds after a while. I figured that if you were making the commitment to go back to school, it was only logical that you had made up your mind about what you actually wanted to do with life.  The program that I've signed up for is one that I never really saw myself pursuing, but when it came down to it, and I was meeting with my academic advisor, she kind of directed me to it.  I have already started thinking about changing it, but since it goes against how I've always felt I'm having a conflict inside of myself about it. If I change, it's quitting on something that I've committed to.  If I stick with it, I'm potentially risking some serious failures and that scares me.  I know that I don't have to decide right now, but I don't like the thought of not knowing where I'm headed.  If I make the change, things will get more challenging because I most likely won't be able to do all of it online, but in the end I feel like it will be the better decision.

I'll keep you posted on what I decide to do.

Home

2013 was a busy year, and had a lot of monumental milestones for us.  Hence my absence here for almost the entirety of it.  I tried to make myself sit down and write, but inevitably, something else always got in the way.  I'm hoping 2014 will allow me more relaxation and time for myself.  

The biggest, and most exciting of those milestones, is that we bought a new home.  We had been living in a basement apartment of a family member's home for the past six years while Brett finished college, so this move was extremely exciting for us!!

We are not only in our own place again, but closer to our offices so our daily commute time has been cut nearly in half.

We already have a lot of projects planned out, and things we are hoping to improve as time goes by.  It's actually not at all the style of home we were looking for in the beginning, but once we walked through it with our agent, it just felt right.

I've already had the opportunity to do some entertaining, and it has been fun to be able to have the space to do that.  I can't wait for summer, when the snow will be gone, and we can take advantage of the back yard some more.

Even though 2013 was a good year, I'm glad it's behind us.  I'm looking forward to seeing what 2014 will bring! 

Happy New Year.

A place without background music

The countdown has officially been on for a while now, but it is getting so close that I can almost taste it. 

Brett finishes school one week from today.

It's a surreal feeling to think that soon we will be packing all of our things and relocating.  We have lived in this apartment for just over five years now, and even though we are outgrowing it, I think I will miss being there.  Just a little.

We have started looking for houses closer to where we both work, in hopes that our daily commutes won't have to be as long.  It's been fun to think about all of the possibilities, and sad to see some of the ones we really liked being sold, but it's exciting. We are ready to be home owners again.

Soon things are going to settle down a bit, and I will have more time to update this blog.  I'm looking forward to that, too. Things have been so busy for both of us between work and trying to get all of the final school projects completed, that I don't feel like there has been any time to sit down and breathe, let alone write.  I miss it.

I'm curious to know.... is anyone still here? 

Refreshing

For the past three months or so, I have been working four ten hour shifts at work so that I could have Friday's off.  I was convinced that a three day weekend would be the answer to my prayers. At first it was nice having an extra day off every week, and I thought that I was living the life.

Let me just tell you how wrong I was.......

I was working until 8:00 every night, and by the time my forty minute commute was over all motivation had been long gone. I never really did anything productive when I got home and stopped working out, so I wasn't feeling up to par. Sure, I got to sleep in a little bit each day and didn't have to go to work on Friday's, but what good is being off on Friday when your husband works or has school all day and your best friend lives an hour and a half away?  No good. 

I have recently changed my schedule so that I am working earlier, five days a week, and I am off each day by 3:30 or 4:00. It's still new, but man is it making a huge difference in my day.  I get to see my husband more often, and actually eat dinner with him at a reasonable hour on occasion. I am less bitchy. What?  I can admit that ten hour days doing customer service on the phones makes me bitchy.  I feel like I have so much more time in my day, and yesterday I got to do something that I haven't been able to do for a while...read. I got my house cleaned, and some laundry done, then while Brett was working on homework I actually took some time to read. I have been working on the same book now for so long that I am starting to forget how it started.

It's going to be great to have myself back. I miss being a productive wife. Wait. Brett, was I a productive wife before?

Don't answer that....

If the zombie apocalypse happened tomorrow

I was looking back through my archives today, and I have realized that I don't take pictures anymore. I used to have my camera with me everywhere I went, which in turn gave me a lot more to post about.

I used to be fucking snap-happy.

What the hell changed? I still have a camera, so that's not the issue.

I think that I need to try and motivate myself to start taking pictures again. If I do that, maybe the content on this blog won't be so boring or sparse.

In the spirit of Halloween, I recently downloaded an app for my phone that turns people into zombies. Maybe that's a good place to start.

Zombie Scotherns:

Zombie Schlange's:

Night and Day

Something that I failed to mention in my previous post about our camping trip was the final hike that we went on a few days after we took Belle home.  The reason that I have waited to post about it, is because I was hesitant to let you in on a secret of mine.   

Let me explain.

A few years ago, Brett and I went on a bike ride.  If you have been a long time reader, or possibly sifted through the archives, you probably know where I am going with this one.... If not, take a quick pause and read this.

Remember now? Yeah, that.

Okay, now that you are acquainted (or reacquainted, rather) with our first encounter with the trail I am going to tell you about, we can continue.

Turns out, when I posted about the trail the first time, I was being a little dramatic.  What?  I can admit when I'm being ridiculous if I want to...... It's true though.  I had a serious case of over exaggeration, mostly because I was bitter about the situation. 

About half way through our camping trip, we made the mutual decision that we needed to make another attempt at conquering the aforementioned trail.  It would be a lot different this time, because I would not be stuck pushing my bike the whole way, and we were going to pack more water.  The trail was not going to win. 

This time around the trail was pleasant.  It was tough in some spots, but seriously so much more enjoyable!  We had great conversation the whole way, mostly reminiscing about the first time, and the views were amazing. I don't think that we even stopped when we were up there before to enjoy any of it.  There were no injuries involved, and no crying on my part. That right there has to say something! This time we also wised up and took the GPS with us to map out the trail and see how far it actually was. 

Would you like to take a guess at how many miles it really was?

We were told that it would be ten miles, ended up thinking that it was more like twelve miles, and we now know that it was just under six miles.  SIX! That's it. Here is the GPS image of the trail:

The only part that sucked at all was the last ten or so minutes.  We were in an open area, with no tree cover, walking uphill.  The majority of the trail had some gorgeous tree cover, and there was wildlife running around all over the place.  We even took a second to stop for a picture in the same spot as last time:

I would definitely do it again, as long as there is not a mountain bike involved, and next time we will probably take Belle with us. She would have loved it. 

Security Blanket

Just after I had left home this morning to head to work I realized that I didn't have my cell phone with me.

I hate that feeling.

I instantly flipped around to go back for it. When I opened the door, Brett was already standing there with it in his hand, waiting. He had noticed it was still sitting on the table and tried to catch me, but I had already gone too far. It was as if he had read my mind, and knew that I would be returning.

Isn't it funny to stop and think that there was once a time when no one carried a cell phone in their pocket, and if you had an emergency while you were on the freeway you had to wait for someone to stop and offer their assistance? I cannot imagine how life would be if that were still the case.

I use my phone for a plethora of things, but communicating with my loved ones conveniently is definitely my number one reason for having it. I have already sent multiple text messages to my husband and best friend today. If I hadn't turned around to go home for my phone, I would feel so lost.

I'd Be Screwed....

.....if hair straighteners had never been invented.

Thank god someone was smart enough to recognize that there was a need for smooth hair in the world, or I'd be walking around with this fuzz ball on my head all day:





 
I don't have any natural curl in my hair, unfortunately, but my hair is so frizzy after I dry it in the mornings. Its just not pretty.

But after it's dry, and I get out my straightener, it looks a little more presentable.







I don't spend a ridiculous amount of time on my hair in the mornings, but the little effort that I do make is a huge difference.

What in the hell did I ever do before I found my straightener?

Out With the Old....

In with the new.....

A Change

Last night I took Belle for a run.  Outside.  As in, not inside on my elliptical, but outside in the sunshine.  With no snow on the ground.  It was glorious.  Well, as glorious as running can be when you are out of shape and struggling for breath.

I am not a good runner, but I have decided that I would much rather run outside and be in pain than be inside on my elliptical.  It's just too boring.  At least running outside gives me things to look at and keep me entertained.

I am really hoping that March brings the spring along with it, and I can continue running outside. I am really looking forward to it.

A Look Back at 2010

Looking back on the posts that I did in 2010 makes me realize how uneventful the year was for us.  It seemed like we had a lot going on, but obviously not much was worth blogging about.  I'm hoping that in 2011 we will be able to experience some great new adventures that will make for some great stories to better entertain you.

Here's a look back at some of the more interesting moments in 2010:

• In January I had my blog reviewed over at Ask and ye shall receive which was an interesting experience, and I have to be honest, I thought it would go over a little better than it did.  But I guess it could've been worse. Also, I discovered Skype!! 
• February brought on a new job.  I was so nervous to start a new job because I loved my old job so much that I just didn't think that anything could match it.  It may not be quite as good as my last job was, but it's a close second and I am extremely lucky to have found it.  
• March showed me what a party was.
• In April I made contact with my biological father.
• June brought me In n' Out Burger.  Which I didn't think would impact my diet as much as it has because I don't even like Hamburgers.  But I do like In n' Out Burgers. 
• In August I got a new tattoo in honor of my mom on her birthday.
• October was the month that we discovered Dexter and had our Hollywood Undead party.
• November was pretty much devoted to more Dexter.
• I spent the bulk of December trying to convince Brett to get me a Guinea pig and trying to decide what to send my recipient for blog secret santa.

How was your 2010?  Any great plans for 2011??

My Way of Coping

August 13th was my mom's birthday. In the months approaching it, I was dreading each day that brought it closer. I am not coping well with her loss, and every time I think about her I want to cry. I just miss her so much.

I was trying to come up with a way to honor and remember her on her birthday, and I started brainstorming a few months ago. I wanted it to be something significant. Something that would make a lasting impression on my life, and help me keep her memory alive in my soul. My sister and I had been talking about getting memorial tattoos in her honor, but didn't really know what we wanted or when we wanted to do it. I picked up the phone one day and called my sister. "Let's do our tattoo's on mom's birthday!" That's all it took. She was in.

I had started looking at designs and finally decided what I wanted to do and found the artist that I wanted to go to, so Brett set the appointment. I couldn't be happier with how it turned out! My sister did the same general design, but hers is in a different location and has color instead of just black and grey. I choose to merge two Celtic symbols that I loved because their meaning was perfect for what I was trying to represent. One is the Celtic symbol for motherhood and the female power, and the other is the Celtic symbol for the transitions through life and death. I think it's perfect! What do you think?

Lost and found

The intensive searching has finally paid off, and in seven days I start a new job.

After I lost my job I felt worthless. I felt like nothing was ever going to be okay again, and I was terrified. I had no idea how we were going to make it through such a mess. Despite all of the encouragement I was receiving from everyone around me, I couldn't convince myself that we could handle it. I tried my best to hide the fact that I was panicking inside, and keep a smile on my face, but it was tough. Everyone else seemed to have confidence in me, but for some reason I just couldn't be confident in myself.

It took a while for these feelings to subside, but eventually they did.

I think that once I realized how much Brett and I had already been through together, I started to gain the confidence that I had been looking for. I am so excited about this job, and I think that it is going to be a great change for me. I loved my last job, and I will definitely miss it, but I can't wait to see what great opportunities this new job will bring.

Wherein one of my fears is justified

As I stood there that morning looking into my closet, trying to determine what I should wear, I was sure that it was going to be just another ordinary day. I had no reason to think that it wouldn't be. For just over three years now my weekly routine has been the same, and Friday was always the day of the week that I looked forward to most. It was, after all, the gateway to the weekend.


Then on the drive to work I realized that it was yet another Friday the 13th. The third one this year. I have been pretty open about the fact that a lot of things scare the shit out of me, and Friday the 13th just happens to be one of them. Until last week, I never had a reason to associate Friday the 13th with anything negative.

Friday I was laid off.

My routine is totally different now, and it's weird. I liked my old routine. I liked my job, though I could have done without the shitty commute for three years, and I am really going to miss it. I enjoyed working with most of the people there, and the atmosphere of the office was always fun. It was a great job, and I can only hope that my next job is half as good.

Didn't see this one coming

I never really expected anything to come of it, but I did it anyway. That's the kind of person I have become, I guess. Just try it out. If it works, great! If not, move on. I was driving in the car on my way to work one morning when I heard the DJ of the local morning show that I listen to call out to the listeners. "If you've got an idea for a topic we can use on the show, send us an email."

So I did. I sent him an email that told a brief version of this story. I was pretty sure that once the DJ read the email it would be passed over, and quickly forgotten. Surely there were more interesting topics out there. But at least I gave it a shot.

Turns out that wasn't the case at all. Yesterday I was driving to work and I heard that same DJ bring up my topic on the air. I hadn't emailed him back yet, and he was going to read the email on the air in five minutes or so. Two quick phone calls later, and there I was live on the radio talking about one of the most monumental things to ever happen in my life.

I was so nervous. I could fell my hands shaking as I tried to hold the phone steady to my ear. But I kept it together and answered all of the questions that were fired in my direction.

After the phone call was over, I couldn't believe it. I think that having the conversation live on the radio, and putting my story out there for everyone to hear helped make it so much more real for me. I couldn't help but wonder, what if he listens to their show, and he just heard everything that I said. What if he recognized my name, and now he's trying to figure out how to contact me? What if this was the step that leads to me actually finding him?

I think that this was a step in the right direction.

The plot thickens

I have really been going back and forth in my mind about whether or not I wanted to do a post about this, and the little devil on my shoulder has finally convinced me that I Should just go for it.

If you know me personally, then you are aware that I have never met my biological father. If not, then this is news to you. He left when I was just a baby, and I have never seen or heard from him since. I can’t explain it, but I have never really had a desire to know why. I had seen his picture, heard stories about him from family, and had a pretty good idea of what kind of person he was. I guess I just figured that I was better off without him. He didn’t seem to care at all about me, so why should I care about him? I asked my mom about him occasionally throughout my life, but she always responded with the same answer. Now was not the time to talk about it.

To me it has never really mattered who you are related to by blood. Your family can be anyone you want it to be. I have blood relations that I haven’t spoken to in years, and don’t really consider to be family at all. I consider my family to be the people around me who love me, and are always there for me, no matter what the circumstance may be. They are the people that I can always count on. So it never really bothered me that I didn’t know him.

About five months ago my brother, my sister, and I were going through some of my mom’s things and I found something that has, since then, completely rocked my world. It was a sealed white envelope that had my name written on the front in her handwriting. Naturally after discovering said envelope, I opened it up to see what was inside. Wouldn’t you? The contents of the envelope seemed to be nothing at first, just a few pieces of paper. The first page was my birth certificate, which I had seen many times before, so it didn’t seem too out of the ordinary. The second page is what I found to be interesting. It was a letter. Nothing too wordy or long, just a short paragraph, followed by a signature, and a Notary.

The letter was from my biological father.

I know that this discovery may seem unremarkable, but I can assure you it is not. Let me explain. The man who wrote the letter that I was holding in my hands is not the man that I have believed to be my biological father my whole life. It is someone entirely different, and someone that I do not know. I had never even heard his name before I read that letter.

Instantly after reading the letter I assumed that it wasn’t true, but then I spoke with my mom’s best friend and she confirmed it.

At the age of 24 I discovered that my biological father is not who I thought it was.

At first I didn’t really react. I didn’t have any intention of running out and finding him, and I just figured that it wouldn’t really affect my life at all. I already didn’t know the man I thought to be my biological father, so what difference did it make? Now it was just a different name than before.

Since I found the letter five months ago I have been struck by curiosity. With the other name I had at least seen pictures, and heard stories. Even though I had never met him, I still knew what he was like. The pages of my story, though tattered and torn, were complete. Now there is a hole in that same story. The question is: do I try to fill it in?

The Color Purple

Title: The Color Purple

Directed by: Steven Spielberg

The Color Purple is a film adaptation of Alice Walker's novel of the same name. I read the book about six years ago, and loved it! So naturally I was up for the challenge when Psonya presented me with the idea to watch and review this movie, {it's her favorite!} in exchange for her to do the same with my favorite movie.

To be completely honest with you, I have to say that I was not that impressed with the film version of the story. I think that the book was wonderful, and I was pretty disappointed after I watched the movie. Part of the problem when making a book into a movie is always the fact that you can't cram all of the story into two hours. So naturally there were pieces missing. The cast for the film had a LOT of big named actors/actresses: Oprah, Danny Glover, Whoopi Goldberg, and Laurence Fishburne are just a few. I think that with the cast in mind I expected the movie to be much better than it turned out to be. I do however, think that Oprah gave an amazing performance. Most of the time I forgot that it was even her that I was watching. She really did a great job of playing Sophie. With that said, I really don't think that any of the other actors/actresses gave it their all. It could've been done much better, in my opinion.

I also think that one of the things that made it hard to watch was the pace. It was so slow. I think that the story works well for a book because it is something that you read a few chapters here and there, then put it down for a while, which helps to break it up a little. But watching the whole movie at once I found myself bored.

I am really bummed that I didn't like the movie. I was really hoping that it would be as good as the book. I do find that most times the movie is never as good as the book to me though, so maybe I am just a sucker for turning pages. I also have to say that I usually tend to like movies that are a little more fast paced, and not so sad. This is truly a depressing story, and maybe that's why I think it is better for me to read it. Then I can put it down and give my brain a rest from all of the sadness.

The movie that I picked for Psonya is very different. Who knows, maybe she won't like it and it will all come down to the fact that we just have different taste in movies. We'll see! She's posting her review today, too. So CLICK HERE to see what she thinks of Green Street Hooligan's.

Sorry Psonya!!

Have you seen The Color Purple? What did you think?

Our life in pictures

The Rules:
1. Type the answers to the following questions into flickr search
2. Using ONLY pictures from the first page of the search, pick your favorite image
3. Copy and paste the URL for the image into mosaic maker

Brett's answers:

1. What is your first name? Brett
   
2. What is your favorite food? Parmesan steak and shrimp
   
3. What is your favorite color? Blue
   
4. What is your favorite drink? Milk
   
5. Where is your dream vacation? Ireland
   
6. What is your favorite hobby? Basketball
   
7. What do you want to be when you grow up? Little league basketball coach
   
8. What do you love most in life? My wifey
   
9. What is one word that describes you? Broken
   
10. Where is your favorite place you have ever been? Six Flags
    
11. What is your favorite movie? Green Street Hooligans
    
12. Who is the person you admire most? My Dad
    

Kaylyn's answers:

1. What is your first name? Kaylyn


2. What is your favorite food? Pizza


3. What is your favorite color? Pink


4. What is your favorite drink? Mountain Dew


5. Where is your dream vacation? Ireland


6. What is your favorite hobby? Reading


7. What do you want to be when you grow up? An Author


8. What do you love most in life? My Husband


9. What is one word that describes you? Random


10. Where is your favorite place you have ever been? Las Vegas


11. What is your favorite movie? Green Street Hooligans


12. Who is the person you admire most? J.K. Rowling

Try it! It's fun.

Filling my bucket

I think I am going to make a list. Not just any list, but the list. You know what list I mean. The list of things that I want to do before I die. I have been thinking about it, and there are a lot of things to be added to the list, and think about how much better it will feel to accomplish the items on said list if you get to cross them off when you are done! Here are the first five that I have come up with {in no particular order}:

• Drink a pint {or five} in an Irish Pub
• Learn how to play the piano
• Run a marathon {I know, I've already mentioned it}
• Kiss Brett under the Eiffel Tower
• Take a cross country road trip

What's on your list?

25 Random Things About Me

I was {sort of} tagged by my blogland friend Allison! She tagged everyone who reads her blog to participate, and I thought it would be fun. So here it goes:

1. I am afraid of the dark! {yes, I am aware that I am 23 years old}


2. My all time favorite book is The Book Thief by Markus Zusak.


3. I dream of living in Ireland someday. I also have a little {big} obsession with looking at the available real estate listings online. A girl can dream, right?


4. If someone told me that I could have any car that I wanted right this minute, I would choose a 2008 Jeep Wrangler {Rubicon} over anything flashy and expensive.


5. Brett is my best friend in this whole world! I would be lost without him, he has helped me through so much in my life.


6. I ♥ Bajio's Pineapple Shrimp Tacos! I could eat them for dinner every night, and never get sick of them.


7. I used to hate seafood of any kind {only because I was afraid to try it} until we went to visit my friend Emily who lives in LA. She had planned a night on the town for us in Hollywood and made a reservation for dinner at The Geisha House. She was raving about how delish the food was, but little did I know it was a sushi restaurant. I was so terrified to try it, but once I did I loved it! {the only thing I didn't love was the raw squid tentacles} Now I eat sushi any chance I can get.


8. I have seen Don Williams in concert 4 times. He was my mom's all time favorite singer, and every time he came to town she got us tickets. The last time we saw him I got the tickets for her birthday as a surprise. {it was his farewell tour}


9. I played the flute when I was in 6th and 7th grade. I was never good at it, But hey.....at least I tried.


10. Tequila is my alcohol of choice. It doesn't have to be anything fancy {ie: patron}, just give me a bottle of Jose Cuervo and a shot glass.


11. I ♥ 80's music! It is the best when you are driving, cleaning the house, or getting ready for the day. Two of my favorites are The Promise by When in Rome and Stay by Oingo Boingo.


12. I think it's funny when my dog is having dreams. They must be good ones, because sometimes she looks like she is running, and she growls a lot in her sleep too. :)


13. I really wish that I had an accent. I love listening to English, Irish, Scottish, and Australian people talk. Hopefully when I live in Ireland I will pick one up.


14. I think that road trips are fantastic! It's so fun to pack up the car and just go. Singing, Talking, Dancing, Playing Games, Seeing new places, you name it!


15. I have been with Brett through 6 surgeries {in 8 years}: right wrist, neck {spinal fusion at c6}, right hip reconstruction, right knee {ACL and Meniscus}, left knee {patellae tendon}, right ankle.


16. I am in the process of writing 3 books.


17. My favorite movie {since I was a little girl} is Beauty and the Beast.


18. I dream almost every night, and most of them are so vivid that they seem real to me. They are so vivid that I have been known to talk in my sleep, or wake up crying from a nightmare. I even used to sleep walk when I was a kid.


19. I ♥ Mountain Dew.


20. If I had a never ending supply of bread I could sit and feed the ducks at Beus Pond forever. It's my favorite place in the whole world.


21. I went to 8 different schools when I was growing up. {Central Elementary, Brigham City, Utah; Foothill Elementary, Brigham City, Utah; Willard Elementary, Willard, Utah; Adele C. Young Intermediate School, Brigham City, Utah; Box Elder Junior High, Brigham City, Utah; North Ogden Junior High, North Ogden, Utah; Weber High School, Pleasant view, Utah; Stacey's Beauty College, Ogden, Utah} I know what you are going to ask.....and yes, it did suck. Along with that came a lot of moving around too.


22. As soon as Brett is done with College we want to move to Washington State.


23. I am one of those people who really loves shopping, even if I can't afford to buy anything. I could spend hours upon hours just wandering around stores looking at everything they have.


24. I really enjoy watching live sporting events, but I hate watching sports on the T.V.


25. The hardest thing I have ever had to do is speak at my Mother's funeral. I have never given a public speech before that, and I was terrified.

Now I tag all of you!!