My weakness is that I care too much

"When I shut my mouth, and turn to walk away, it doesn't mean you've won. It simply means your stupid ass isn't worth anymore of my time."

I have spent so much of my life trying to make sure that other people are happy that it has finally taken it's toll and is starting to make me bitter. Thank god I have finally opened my eyes and come to the realization that people change, no matter how hard you try. Their actions are beyond my control, and I can no longer exhaust all of my effort by trying to make things stay the same.

I have recently gone through some family drama, that for some reason unknown to me, has caused the relationship that I once had with my sister to fall apart completely. It's been months since we've spoken and she has no idea how terrible all of this has made me feel, but only because she doesn't care enough to try and find out. I have spent so much time trying to get a hold of her in every way I know possible, only to have no luck whatsoever. I have her address, but I just don't think that showing up on her doorstep is going to change anything.

I have always been the mender.

I try so hard to pick up the pieces and put them back together when things fall apart, and it just makes me angry and hurt when the other people don't seem to care as much as I do. Still, I call and make the effort to keep the relationships strong and continue to keep pushing forward despite the betrayal and hurtful words that have been hurled in my direction. I have always felt that if I just keep on trying, the other person will eventually come around.  Now I know that is not the case. Some people are just hopeless.

Three females in my life lately have basically become void of emotion and began to let our bond disintegrate completely with no explanation. I have, until now, given it my all to attempt stitching up the tears that have been carelessly created in the fabric of the relationship, but it's too late. As much as it breaks my heart to do so, I have to let go or I will lose my fucking mind.

I just wish I knew how to make myself forget the way they have. To come to a place where I don't give a damn either. On the other hand, then I would be a soulless monster too, and I don't want that.

Instead I will just continue to nurture the relationships of those who still matter and try to tuck the others away, somewhere in the back of my mind.