I have really been going back and forth in my mind about whether or not I wanted to do a post about this, and the little devil on my shoulder has finally convinced me that I Should just go for it.
If you know me personally, then you are aware that I have never met my biological father. If not, then this is news to you. He left when I was just a baby, and I have never seen or heard from him since. I can’t explain it, but I have never really had a desire to know why. I had seen his picture, heard stories about him from family, and had a pretty good idea of what kind of person he was. I guess I just figured that I was better off without him. He didn’t seem to care at all about me, so why should I care about him? I asked my mom about him occasionally throughout my life, but she always responded with the same answer. Now was not the time to talk about it.
To me it has never really mattered who you are related to by blood. Your family can be anyone you want it to be. I have blood relations that I haven’t spoken to in years, and don’t really consider to be family at all. I consider my family to be the people around me who love me, and are always there for me, no matter what the circumstance may be. They are the people that I can always count on. So it never really bothered me that I didn’t know him.
About five months ago my brother, my sister, and I were going through some of my mom’s things and I found something that has, since then, completely rocked my world. It was a sealed white envelope that had my name written on the front in her handwriting. Naturally after discovering said envelope, I opened it up to see what was inside. Wouldn’t you? The contents of the envelope seemed to be nothing at first, just a few pieces of paper. The first page was my birth certificate, which I had seen many times before, so it didn’t seem too out of the ordinary. The second page is what I found to be interesting. It was a letter. Nothing too wordy or long, just a short paragraph, followed by a signature, and a Notary.
The letter was from my biological father.
I know that this discovery may seem unremarkable, but I can assure you it is not. Let me explain. The man who wrote the letter that I was holding in my hands is not the man that I have believed to be my biological father my whole life. It is someone entirely different, and someone that I do not know. I had never even heard his name before I read that letter.
Instantly after reading the letter I assumed that it wasn’t true, but then I spoke with my mom’s best friend and she confirmed it.
At the age of 24 I discovered that my biological father is not who I thought it was.
At first I didn’t really react. I didn’t have any intention of running out and finding him, and I just figured that it wouldn’t really affect my life at all. I already didn’t know the man I thought to be my biological father, so what difference did it make? Now it was just a different name than before.
Since I found the letter five months ago I have been struck by curiosity. With the other name I had at least seen pictures, and heard stories. Even though I had never met him, I still knew what he was like. The pages of my story, though tattered and torn, were complete. Now there is a hole in that same story. The question is: do I try to fill it in?
holy moly - they make movies with plots like this! I guess I think if you're curious, you'll stay curious until you find out. (at least, that's how I'd be) Then you can decided what to do with the information after that. Good luck!
ReplyDeleteLet Sleeping Dogs Lie .......
ReplyDelete.........................................................................................................But Then Again, Maybe He Knew
John Stamos.
Not really sure what to make of that advice Chaz...
ReplyDeleteWhat do you mean your not really sure what to make of my advice?
ReplyDeleteIdiom Definitions for 'Let sleeping dogs lie'
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If someone is told to let sleeping dogs lie, it means that they shouldn't disturb a situation as it would result in trouble or complications.
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Was that the part you were confused by. Or the other part about John Stamos. I know every time I get curious about someone it is because I really want to meet someone who has been to a funeral and seen John Stamos walk in.
I know what 'let sleeping dogs lie' means you jackass.
ReplyDeleteWhat I was confused about is the fact that the first part of your advice leads me to believe that you don't think I should make contact with him, and just leave it alone. But the second part of your comment leads me to believe that you totally think I should find him. I mean, come on! John Stamos!!
Can't you see that you were contradicting yourself?
No No No, I was saying to Just Let Sleeping Dogs Lie, The second part about John Stamos was me saying to fight your urge to Find out if your dad knew John Stamos.
ReplyDeleteoh wow. what a story. I have not the slightest idea of what to say. I personally don't know if I would do it. Why? What's the point? I guess I see it as this...
ReplyDeleteYes, he is your biological father. But does that automatically make it necessary for you to have a relationship? And while you are perfectly fit to have that, I don't know if I would want to go out and in a way 'force' someone to get to know me.
Now if you had been one of those people that are determined from day one to find their parent, then I'd say go for it.
I'm assuming he knows about you. Why hasn't he contacted you? Perhaps he doesn't want to. That was not a personal stab or anything. I'm really just saying.
The more I sit here and reply to this post the more I think you shouldn't. But you know, it is your life and if you feel the desire to pursue knowing your biological father then do it. Either way you have my support!
(And yes, the contact thing on my page shoots an automatic email to my personal email)
This could be a "Curiosity killed the cat" situation. But if we always lived in fear of being hurt we would never find love. What if he is the dad you always wanted...what if he is great...what if...
ReplyDeleteMy take on the whole thing is simply this: Find him then your curiosity will be content. If he isn't so great then it'll will be no worse than the "dad" you thought was yours. Then you can close the book.
With what I know now...I say go for it. So what if he has a family. He'll let you know if it's too much. He has showed interest in knowing you. I think that's all the confirmation you need!
ReplyDeletePlus Kaylyn he has tried to find you. You even spoke to him and didn't know it. He most likely gave up because assumed you knew about him.
ReplyDeleteKaylyn,
ReplyDeleteWow this is gonna sound stupid but I know how you feel. I found out at 21 that the father I had lived with and known my whole life is not my father. I would fill in the blanks if I could but I have no cooperation from my family so no way of ever knowing. That being said it's a personal decision only you know if it's something you want or need! Good luck girly. It's a hard battle to have in your head. At least it has been for me.
Brandie
Yeah you can talk to me anytime. Email me or call me either way. It was something I have had a couple years now to deal with. But for the first year or so it was hard. I'll never know. But it's still something I need to talk about occasionally and still need help with. It does feel good to know there's someone else that I have to talk to about it. Although I wouldn't wish it on you. It drove me crazy too. I wanted to see him so bad.
ReplyDeleteThat is really intense and its a huge decision and milestone to cross. I dont really have any advice because I have no clue what I would do in your situation. Sorry I know Im no help.
ReplyDeleteOn another note, I love reading your posts no matter what they are about you are an excellent writer and keep me so intrigued! So when Can I buy a book by Kaylyn?
Ooh, Kaylyn, this is a hard one. If it were me, I'd try to find him. I don't know if I'd have the nerve to actually talk to him, so I'd probably stalk him for a couple days till I got up the nerve.
ReplyDelete....but what if your dad actually IS John Stamos?
ReplyDeleteI've watched too many episodes of The Locator this month so this post kind of touches my heart a little.
The man who raised me is not my biological father so I understand the curiosity. However, in my case, I was better off leaving it alone. It seems to work out better for the people on The Locator. :)